Hearing the Words

I had two doctors appointments today. The oncologist and the rheumatologist.

It was my two month appointment at the oncologist. Time for blood work and the good old port flush.  It's always stressful going to the appoitnment. The anticipation is daunting. I feel good, but AM I good? Am I healthy? Only my blood will tell the story.

After being weighed, (their scales are always wrong!!); flushing the port and drawing the blood, (just a little pinch); and catching up with the doctor (it's always hard going only every 8 weeks when you were used to going more frequently. But hey, it means you're doing well!!), it's time for the report, (the blood work comes back really, really fast- which I find to be truly miraculous, when you usually have to wait 5-7 days fro blood work results).

The doctor said, "Your white count is up. Everything looks good. I'm happy. You're great!! See you in two months, okay?"

"OKAY!!",  I say.  Inside my head I'm hearing, "Hallelujah!!!""  The feeling is truly indescribable!!!

I float on cloud 9 to my next appointment with the rheumatologist, who is supposed to tell me why my body aches and what we can do about it.  He is such a sweet man,  kind of Santa Claus looking, and he always spends a lot of time talking to me and explaining everything there is to know about arthritis, bursitis and getting old!! LOL

I was just relieved to hear that it was just that and nothing worse. When you have had cancer, every ache and pain seems like it could be related to, or caused by, the cancer and it honestly, FREAKS YOU OUT!!  I explained my thoughts and fears to him and what a relief it was to hear that it was nothing BUT arthritis and bursitis.

The wise doctor said he totally understood where I was coming from. You see, his wife was just diagnosed with breast cancer and they, too, were waiting all weekend to hear the right words from her doctor.  He said, "You may know it in your heart and your head, but you have to hear the words. Your life is hanging on hearing the words."

Truer words have never been spoken. At this moment, I have two friends, two amazing women, who are waiting to hear the words.  Let's all hope and pray that what they hear are the RIGHT words.

XO

The Little Moments

     Now that I been clean for over a year, most of my days are easy. Despite aches and pains, (it's not easy getting old), and some occasional fears, living my life is a treat! It's a gift to be cherished and I most definitely try NOT to take it for granted.  I could not have made it to this point without the love and support from my family AND my friends.
     My sorority sisters are amazing women. They continuously sent me prayers, love and support from far away. They were there for me every step of the way. The sisterly bond is amazing and I will cherish it forever! So, when my dear friend's son was getting married, I was more than happy to be there for her and share in her joy.  I was even more excited to celebrate with her and some of my dearest "sisters"!
     Although the wedding was beautiful and the reception a blast, the moments that touched my heart the most were the little ones.  Singing the AXO sweetheart song to the groom, having coffee and breakfast in our pj's, toasting a mom in heaven with her favorite champagne, and just laughing and talking and enjoying each others company. It was a weekend of laughter and love.  My heart gets full just writing about it.
     When it was time for me to get out of the car at the airport, I hugged my dear, sweet friend goodbye and started to cry. Not because I didn't want to go home. I just felt so lucky to have been able to create and share new memories with my "old" friends and full of joy and hope that there will so many more "new" memories to come.  I felt so blessed!!!
     It was like a gift and I felt so fortunate and privileged to be able to unwrap it- one smile, one hug, one laugh, one dance at time.

xo

Life as I know it

Right now, life as I know it is great! I am healthy and happy. My family is great and finally, all back together in Florida. I love having my grown children around all the time. It brings me such joy! I am finally back at work more frequently and am really enjoying it. I am involved in several cancer charities- Lymphona Research Foundation, LLS, and Little Smiles- and am getting ready for the upcoming fundraisers. Somehow i managed to be co chairperson of the auction committee for Little Smiles and luckily my dear sweet friends came through with some great donations! Thank you all so much!!!!

Although I am happy and well, I still have things that way heavy on my mind. I am still devastated and angry (as I know she is) about the news my friend received that her cancer is back. She is doing great right now! Back at work, exercising and even running the Race for the Cure this weekend. God bless her because I can't even run it. I will be walking instead, in support of her and my other friend who has breast cancer. It is pretty sad to know that you can walk in an event every weekend in support of different cancers and the search for a cure. Why can't we find cures for these deadly diseases? Lindsey posted an article on Facebook about a teenager who may have discovered a cure! Interesting how a teenager might be able to figure it out but scientists and doctors and pharmaceutical companies can't. I wonder why that is? Maybe because there is no money involved. Just saying.

 I am also not happy with the insurance companies this year. As most of you know, cancer patients need to have follow up scans to make sure that we are still healthy. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was supposed to have a pet scan in August but at the last minute, Aetna changed their minds and rescinded their approval. I went ahead and had a cat scan instead (which is not as detailed) and got a good report. I was scheduled for my next pet scan in December and again, they denied the test. Even after a peer review with my doctor!! I had another cat scan and did get good results but it is still disheartening. I am not the only one this is happening to. I have another friend in the same situation. We both resent the fact that insurance companies are messing with our lives. They have no right to deny necessary tests. They should not be in control of my life or anyone else's for that matter!!!!  Again, just saying.

When I get angry and frustrated with my situation, I draw inspiration, strength and positivity from a young friend who is getting ready to deliver a beautiful baby with a life threatening disease. She and her husband are dealing with this through love, faith and hope. She expresses herself and her feelings so beautifully on her blog with such grace and openness. I am moved to tears every time I read it. I ask that everyone say a prayer for this wonderful young family. I know how amazing the power of prayer can be and they need your prayers now!

 I love my family and I love you all!
 XO
 God Bless