It has been a very strange time for me since my chemo treatment last week. I have been very jittery and have not been able to really relax. And yet, I seem to be more tired at the same time. Go figure.
At my last doctor's visit, my blood work was fine. Actually, my white count was outstanding!!! We set up the pet scan for January 31st and the anticipation is agonizing. So many things running through my mind as I wait.
For example, I was just getting used to my schedule and weekly check-ins with the doctor. It was my routine. Now, I don't have to go every week. I've been cut off. The doctor doesn't want to see me until the morning of the scan. How is that possible? The what ifs are running through my mind at warp speed.
I am always trying to stay positive but what if I'm too positive? I don't want to be disappointed. But I don't want to be negative either. It's like a ping pong match is going in my head and it is giving me a headache. Speaking of my head, they say my hair will start to grow back now that I am done. When do I stop shaving it? Answer: everyone is different, no pat answer. The questions go on and on. . . .
For distraction, "something" told me to pick up a book that Craig gave me when I was first diagnosed but just couldn't focus on at the time. The book- It's Not About the Hair, by Debra Jarvis- saved me. It was like manna from heaven, and considering that Debra Jarvis is a chaplain for oncology patients in Seattle, I mean it! She talked about everything that I was thinking about from her own first hand experience in dealing with her battle with breast cancer. She seemed to be speaking to me with openness and honesty and most importantly, humor! If you know anyone that is battling any type of cancer, I would definitely recommend this book as a gift.
I was so moved by this book that I decided to send Debra a thank you note. Guess what? She wrote right back and made my day!
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